It’s a dogs world

It’s been awhile since my last post. I accidently chewed up the remote control for the new TV so mom wouldn’t let me near the laptop. She said I could write with a pencil but what she didn’t know was that I chewed those up too. I hid them in the couch cushions so that was basically a no go. I had to wait until “I could be trusted not to chew everything” before I could write to you again.

Moms can be so dramatic.

I’m back in business though. I learned what not to chew … at least what not to chew in front of the moms.

I am rewarded for being a good, good boy with new toys. Sometimes treats too but mostly new toys. Something about treats making me fat.

Have you heard about this thing called a toy club delivery?  I am unsure about the process, some days mom brings in packages and gives me one and sometimes she brings in packages and keeps them for herself. I don’t know why she needs all the ropes, chewers and stuffies and won’t share but I am on the case. I inspect her pockets every chance I get. So far I’ve found this stuff called chap stick, some candy wrappers and a few tissues but that’s it. I know she has toys. I will keep searching.

My humans are weird. Not only do they keep all the mail for themselves but they put all the good foods in white bags and leave them for a strange man to take. It’s infuriating. We could be eating that and what we don’t eat we could surely chew to bits and leave all over the floor. So what if someone throws up in bed? It happens, mom. Sheesh.

I watch a strange man take away those bags full of delicious smelly stuff mom calls “garbage” every week. He waits until they go to work to come take them away. It’s very suspicious. One day I am going to stop him. I just have to think of a better plan to get out of the fence. I’m on it. I’ll report my progress later. Until then I will bark ferociously and try to scare him off.

Have you ever been to a place called the park? Now that’s scary. There are other dogs there that have lost their minds! Running all over the place playing with strangers and sniffing butts.

No. That’s not for me.

I sit next to mom and watch these hooligans act a fool. I’m not joining in. No matter how many other humans try to pet me and tell me I’m a good boy. I’m not falling for that trap. No way. No how. It’s safer under the bench.

I bet not one of those dog park savages knows fetch.

I’m a champion fetcher! Mom throws sticks and I will go into woods diligently sniffing every stick out there until I find the one she had to bring back to her.

She’s not so smart. Always losing her sticks. Good thing she has me to bring them back.

Well friends I think I heard someone open a bag of chips in the other room.

Charlie, out.

 

It’s been like 100 dog years

Dear Diary, It’s been a long time. I’ve learned so much! I mastered the chewing game, even though my sister Macy said it’s ok to pull out all the stuffy stuff and chew up the squeak thing, it is not. My most favorite first toys had to be tossed because they had no stuffing and someone chewed them to pieces. I learned that we are only supposed to do the business outside. That took awhile. I don’t get scolded anymore though. I’m a good, good boy! I also learned if I stay really still in the bed mom won’t make me get down. I like the bed. The moms bed is the best place in the whole house. Plus my baby brother is too little to get up there. I am King of the bed! I learned we get treats when we go in the crate so I go in the crate every time mom has a treat bag. Sometimes she closes the door and locks me in and sometimes she laughs at me but I get a treat anyway. I’m going to keep going in there. Treats are yummy. I learned that the old girl Maggie doesn’t like to play. I don’t know why. I just leave her alone now. She’s not that nice anyway. I learned the cats aren’t that fun either. They just run away and jump the fence. They don’t know how to play. I ignore them too. Their kibble is pretty good though. I grab a bite / eat the whole bowl every now and then when nobody is looking. We got a new baby brother. He’s small but mighty. Mom says he was a surprise adoption but I think he’s great. We play all the time. He lives squeaker toys and wrestling too! He’s kinda small. Something about being a dorkie. Mom says that’s a doxie mix like me but with a Yorkie … whatever that means. I guess it means small cause Beau is pretty puny. I learned that if I lick a sleeping mom on the mouth just one time she gets cranky but doesn’t yell. It’s the best way to wake her up. Apparently climbing on her head and biting her hair was not the way. She also doesn’t like it if I lay on her chest and lick her face relentlessly until she starts yelling and trying to get away. It took a little while but i figured out who takes us out to potty. I think I just heard someone open a pack of cookies …. gotta go! Love, Charlie age almost 5 months

Dear diary, what are breath mints?

It’s me again, Charlie. I am so confused. 

Mom says I’m a smart boy. She says I’m learning so fast and in no time at all I will do all the stuff the other dogs can do. I already learned how to go up and down stairs. I learned monsters won’t eat me if I’m left alone in the back yard and I learned that sleeping in my crate is way better than being too hot or too cold or too “all up in moms face” in their bed. 

Plus I can pass gas all night if I want to and nobody gets up and flips on lights and wakes me up to go out. I like that most of all. I’m so glad I learned to sleep in my own space.  

I am worried though about this thing called puppy breath. Mom says it’s awful and won’t let me chew her face. She says I need a breath mint. 

I’ve checked everywhere! I looked under the rocks and in the grass and I even went out in the woods with Macy (my dog sister from another mister) … but I didn’t see any breath mints. Just one of other moms missing golf balls and a couple sticks. I’m keeping those. 

Macy said I should check inside Tiger, that’s my favorite cuddly toy. It wasn’t in there either. All I found was white fluff stuffing stuff. It was great fun looking and shredding but I didn’t find any breath mints.

I’m going to keep looking for these mint things. Apparently this puppy breath thing is a big problem. 

Love, Charlie age 10 weeks 

I found my bark!

Dear Diary, 

I am so excited I might wee on the floor. I found my bark! 

Mom said I found it this morning when I wanted on the bed, before sunrise, and man is it true! 

I bark at the other dogs and I bark at the cats. I barked at a toad in the yard for 5 whole minutes and I barked at my stuffed leopard for even longer! Mom says I “bark at air” whatever that means.

The only time I don’t bark is when I need to go out. I just wait for the moms to notice I’m staring at them from the stairs silently waiting to be carried down. 

Well, gotta go! I think there might be leaves blowing around outside to bark at.

Love, Charlie 9 weeks old 

Flip flops taste like chicken

Dear diary, 

Today mom was really mad. Like really, really mad. She’s mad alot. 

However, I did discover something new today. These rubbery things with chewy straps are delicious. One tasted like chicken, I think anyway, I don’t really know what chicken tastes like. The other tasted like moms foot and grass.  I left that one for my sister Macy. 

I can’t wait to taste all the other neat things my new family left on the floor! This place is super fun!

I noticed a basket with a bunch of things in the corner but I don’t bother that much. Seems like those might be other moms toys. She plays with them all the time and shows them to me. She brags alot about her thing called a “chewy bone” and her “squeak toy” … weird. 
Anyway that’s all for now. I need another nap. 

Love, Charlie. 9 weeks old. 

Day 1: I’ve been adopted and I have 2 moms

Dear Diary,

Today I was adopted. It seems I have 2 moms and no dad. I was told I would be getting a new mom and dad. I am not sure how I feel about this. I cried the entire way home and still nobody mentioned a dad.

This is concerning.

I met the human children, a girl and a boy. I like them very much. The boy smells funny but he is nice to me. The girl seems to stay hidden much of the time but comes out to greet me on occasion.

I also met my new brother and sisters. I like them very but they don’t seem to care for me. I don’t understand why they dismiss my invitation to play. I will make it my mission to win them over no matter how much they growl. I will not be turned away.

I still don’t understand where my new dad is, I’m starting to think I am only getting moms. I shall cry as loud as possible all night just in case.

Love, Charlie Age 8 weeks