It’s been awhile since my last post. I accidently chewed up the remote control for the new TV so mom wouldn’t let me near the laptop. She said I could write with a pencil but what she didn’t know was that I chewed those up too. I hid them in the couch cushions so that was basically a no go. I had to wait until “I could be trusted not to chew everything” before I could write to you again.
Moms can be so dramatic.
I’m back in business though. I learned what not to chew … at least what not to chew in front of the moms.
I am rewarded for being a good, good boy with new toys. Sometimes treats too but mostly new toys. Something about treats making me fat.
Have you heard about this thing called a toy club delivery? I am unsure about the process, some days mom brings in packages and gives me one and sometimes she brings in packages and keeps them for herself. I don’t know why she needs all the ropes, chewers and stuffies and won’t share but I am on the case. I inspect her pockets every chance I get. So far I’ve found this stuff called chap stick, some candy wrappers and a few tissues but that’s it. I know she has toys. I will keep searching.
My humans are weird. Not only do they keep all the mail for themselves but they put all the good foods in white bags and leave them for a strange man to take. It’s infuriating. We could be eating that and what we don’t eat we could surely chew to bits and leave all over the floor. So what if someone throws up in bed? It happens, mom. Sheesh.
I watch a strange man take away those bags full of delicious smelly stuff mom calls “garbage” every week. He waits until they go to work to come take them away. It’s very suspicious. One day I am going to stop him. I just have to think of a better plan to get out of the fence. I’m on it. I’ll report my progress later. Until then I will bark ferociously and try to scare him off.
Have you ever been to a place called the park? Now that’s scary. There are other dogs there that have lost their minds! Running all over the place playing with strangers and sniffing butts.
No. That’s not for me.
I sit next to mom and watch these hooligans act a fool. I’m not joining in. No matter how many other humans try to pet me and tell me I’m a good boy. I’m not falling for that trap. No way. No how. It’s safer under the bench.
I bet not one of those dog park savages knows fetch.
I’m a champion fetcher! Mom throws sticks and I will go into woods diligently sniffing every stick out there until I find the one she had to bring back to her.
She’s not so smart. Always losing her sticks. Good thing she has me to bring them back.
Well friends I think I heard someone open a bag of chips in the other room.